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Notes: 3 / 1 month ago from sheezyislove
Pink? Really?
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Notes: 1 / 1 month ago
Happy Birthday, Chan.
It was April 25th, 2002, my first birthday in Canada.
As usual, my morning started with 500 push ups. I went down to the kitchen with my 3 month old Pepsi bottle to fill it the milk I was allowed to have and water on top of that to fill the bottle. I saw nicely packed lunch for the son of the “Evils”. While I was waiting to get the pot boiled for my SHIN RAMEN, first and last meal of the day, I kept looking at the packed lunch. During 3 minutes of boiling time, I also kept looking at my pepsi bottle filled with a glass of milk and 750ml of water that will be placed on top of my drawer in my room for the rest of the day. The instant noodle was hot and ready to be served. I ate and drank the entire noodle soup as with my usual burping sound.
After, I was waiting for the bus to come. It was my birthday. The birthday that I really wanted to be recognized. I got on the bus, and it was my birthday. I arrived at the school an hour early as usual but then I started packing my books and left the school. I had to celebrate it at least on my own.
Going down the street, I saw a small cafe. I went in there and looked at a small dessert to celebrate. God, it was 5 dollars. I couldn’t even buy it. I just looked at it, then left the store saying, “Happy Birthday Chan Hee Lee”.
I was loitering downtown Edmonton for 6 hours, I headed to view the river valley area from Hotel MacDonald. I was thinking about whether I made a good decision to come to Canada. All I could think of was my family so I decided to be strong again.
After I got home, the “Evil” came up to me and gave me a toonie tuesday KFC meal because my parents told him that it was my birthday. So he bought it as my birthday present. One drumstick, one thigh, and fries made me so upset that I wanted to throw them to his fucking face. But I took them to my room and didn’t eat it right away. It took me few days to finish the meal, because I thought I might as well save them for later.
I got a phone call from my parents. They were asking me if the Evil treated me well for my birthday. YES. He did. He was right in front of me the whole time. Then my sister answered, and said “Happy Birthday Brother!!! I sent a letter for your birthday”.
He gave me letters from my parents, my sister, and my best friends after the phone call. Some of them were already opened, of course. I took them to my room started reading them all.
I fucking cried until the next morning.
Happy Birthday, Chan !! -
Notes: 2 / 1 month ago
Art Inspiration
When I was 6 years old, my mom sent me to a drawing school so that I could get inspiration for art, which lasted for less than a week. I still remember the incident happened on the day I quit attending the school. On the first day of school, I met a girl my age and we became so close. We became friends instantly. She was a cute kid and I had a crush on someone for the first time as a child. I think she also had a crush on me back then so we sat at the same desk. I hated drawing, but I didn’t tell my mom that and told her I loved the first day of the school because I wanted to see that girl.
There was a school bus that picked up all the students and dropped them off at school. On my last day of school (which, I didn’t expect to quit), we were dropped off right across from the school. The girl and I were holding hands together at first. I really couldn’t say anything when she held my hand (Maybe I was happy then). When we were about to cross the crosswalk, she let my hand go and started running saying “Come on, we are late.” All of a sudden, I saw a dump truck hit her and run over her body and she burst into pieces. She died right in front of me.
Her body and was all over the place. The school principal came out and started to freak out. That’s all I could remember and then I got a ride home. After my mom heard what happened, she decided not to send me to the school anymore.
I got a phone call from the principal that night so I could tell her what I saw. I could not tell her anything because of the trauma.
What if I didn’t let her hand go? What if I was running with her? What if we were dropped off on the school side of the road? What if I didn’t go to the school during that time? What if I didn’t meet her at all? What if I told my mom that I hated the school? What if…
A few months later, the girl’s mother went to the sky to be with her. -
Notes: 1 / 1 month ago
Long John Donut
There is a donut that I don’t fucking eat and will never eat for the rest of my life.
My parents gave me 100 dollars right before I left Korea as an emergency allowance. They knew that my dad’s friend would take the debit card away from me.
One day, after my English school, I got on the bus (of course I had to run) and on my way home, I was really hungry so I decided to go home late on purpose so that I could use the money my parents gave me for food I like.
I got off the bus at the bus station where there was a shopping mall. So I went in there and looked for a food court. There was MR. Sub, Italian pasta place, A&W, Chinese, etc. I used to go to the food court a lot just to see food to satisfy my hunger. My eyes were satisfied but not my stomach.
Since all I had was 100 dollars, I didn’t want to spend more than 4-5 dollars, so I could save the rest for when I was really hungry. When I looked in my wallet, I couldn’t use the 100 my parents gave me. All I thought at that time was how I wished I could be eating like the people at the food court. So I ran out of the mall. Instead, I went to Safeway.
I was walking every aisle of the store more than 10 times. It was more of a workout. I went to the bakery section and I grabbed a Long John donut and a 500ml white milk from a dairy section. It cost me a dollar and fifty cents all together. I had to eat them before I went home because my dad’s friend would freak out on me if he found out that I ate something outside of the house.
When you come out of any Safeway, there is always a bench so that people can wait inside to get a ride. So I sat down, started eating the donut slowly. When I took the first bite, I started to cry like a bitch. I was so sad that I couldn’t stop crying. One of the staff came to me and asked what was wrong. I told her that I was just so hungry (She was fat. I was wishing I could’ve eaten at least 10 percent of all the food she had eaten in her life). I was eating a donut for about 5 minutes, while crying. The donut ended up tasting salty because of my tears. Fuck, I still can’t forget that taste.
The milk I drank was a skim milk, so it tasted like water. But I couldn’t complain back then. I was just happy that I ate something better than fucking instant noodle. After I was trying to count how much I had in my wallet but somehow, my family picture in my wallet fell out. I got more emotional, so I had to leave the store. I was walking down the highway crying, watching people in the car. They were probably thinking why is an asian boy in St.Albert, walking on the highway crying (That was the only way to go home; through the highway).
When I went home, of course there was a fucking angry bulldog waiting to bite my heart and soul. -
1 month ago from matthewmorgan
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Notes: 4 / 1 month ago from bw-inc
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Notes: 1 / 1 month ago
Shot my gf took of me.
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Notes: 1 / 1 month ago
English Language Training College
While I was attending English Language Training College, I tried really hard to learn English. I started from beginner class to advanced class in 3 months. Believe it or not, I memorized all of the english textbooks front to back without trying to translate in Korean.
I also met People from all over the world (Mostly China, Korea, and Japan). They all came to Edmonton to learn English. I thought their life must suck also because they chose Edmonton (Trust me, you will understand once you live there for about a month). Anyway, they didn’t treat me well because I was the only high school student. They were all over 25, so pretty much they thought I was too young to hang out. But I didn’t know until then that Japanese women love young korean teenagers. That was also one of the only reasons that I wanted to keep attending the school. They even brought me lunch and asked me to come over their place for “dinner” but I couldn’t go because of my dad’s friend.
One day, a few korean dudes kinda got jealous of me being with all Japanese women, so they asked me to follow them to mens washroom, just like the Korean style (Usually when you are about to get your ass kicked in Korea, it always happens in the men’s washroom). There were 4 of them so I knew what was going on at that time.
So they took me to the washroom. They were saying that it looks really fucking ugly that I always hang out with Japanese girls. So they threatened me not to do hang out with them. In my life, when anyone threatens me, I just lose my control. Unfortunately, my rage came up, so I kinda made a small mess. They didn’t even talk or touch me for about a week. I mean they couldn’t. Since my dad’s friend gave me so much stress, I expressed it on those korean dudes.
I noticed many asians here in Canada (Vancouver) can not speak much English. Koreans hang out with Koreans, Chinese people hang out with Chinese people, etc. Most of them come to Canada to learn English. Some of them go to high school, college, or university. The others don’t do anything but wasting their money here. Sometimes I see a lot of kids driving really nice cars, thanks to their rich parents. I wonder if they would at least donate a dollar to any charity. Oh, they might not understand the word ‘charity’. -
Notes: 1 / 2 months ago
Some days with no meal
Since, school starts in September in Canada, I came in January so I had some time to go to English language training school, so that I could catch up with all the subjects once I start my high school.
Unfortunately, there was no English school in St. Albert so I had to go to the one downtown in Edmonton. I had to wake up at 5 am to do my push ups, then catch a bus at 06:30 am, which took about an hour to school. My class started at 8 am, ended at 3 pm. St. Albert bus came every hour after 3 pm so I had to sprint to bus stop to catch the 03:05 pm bus (Normally it takes 10 to 12 minutes by walking.). Every time I missed the bus, my dad’s friend would freak out on me, then he would give me a lecture about how careless I was and call me a liar. He wouldn’t even let me eat instant noodle the next day because I missed the bus. So in order for me to eat the next day, I had to fucking run. The worst part was that I couldn’t even warm my body up. Once I was out of the class, I had to dash to the bus stop. I didn’t even get a chance to hang out with my classmates (I was one of the youngest kids then). He didn’t even let me go on a field trip to West Edmonton Mall. Again, he thought I would cause a fucking problem there.
One day I called him to let him know I would be home an hour late because I missed a bus after school. He didn’t trust me so when I came home, he searched my bag and jacket whether I had something suspicious or not. It didn’t happen just once, so I got used to it in the end. So, whenever I came home an hour late, there was always a search.
Of course then, I would go back to my room and stood watching my window, waiting until his wife came home. And again, I kept wiping my tears with my arms soundless. -
Notes: 2 / 2 months ago
1000 Push Ups
During my 6 month stay at my dad’s friends house, I used to do 1000 push ups everyday except on weekends. I don’t think you can believe it but yeah I did that many push ups everyday.
Since I had nothing else to do but reading books, listening to the radio, and crying, I started doing push ups, 500 in the morning and another 500 before I went to bed.
At first it was really hard because of my diet (Almost the whole time, 1 instant noodle cup, a glass of milk, and water a day). But I got so used to it, I could finished each 500 in 30 minutes. I was doing 20 to 25 reps for 20 sets that counted to 500. The whole time I stayed there, I did about 100,000 push ups. It really helped me with my endurance during my high school and university years.
After, I would do 1000 push ups once every 6 months to just give my body a muscle confusion. I am physically proud that I used to do them but emotionally, it fucking sucked, because I had nothing better to do for 6 months but push ups. Being at that place fucking damaged my brain and heart for a long time and still will for the rest of my life.
But despite my drama and stress, I am still here and still trying.
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